CB Bureau‘With a one-line statement, “driving SUVs in a country like India is criminal,” Jairam Ramesh ensured that he would soon own a battery of off-roaders for himself.’
“Ha, ha, ha… No wonder, he’s saving all those jungles and is after those infrastructure guys. After all, he needs some rough terrains to try those SUVs on.’
“Hey, what are you guys trying to say?’
“Well, man, there isn’t much money in the environment ministry, so the minister is trying out all ways to get the corporate biggies. First, he went after the real estate people and laid out those environment-friendly norms. I am sure the DLFs of the world must have since filled up his lockers. Then mantriji (minister “ji’) came cracking on the miners and held up multi-crore projects for environment clearances… Vedanta packed up bags, and Posco will soon go, but I am sure Ramesh and party have got their moolah.’
“Oooh! So, now he’s turned the heat on the automobile guys.
He is really a smart chap. By the time the government topples, Rameshji would
have got a sea-facing flat and several luxury sedans and SUVs, while his
uncle’s son-in-law would have obtained a license to mine…’
“And yes, everything he’ll own will be tagged ‘ecofriendly ”
for sustainable development”.
‘
In chorus: Ha ha ha ha ha ha….
This is an abstract from a conversation that I overheard
near the office smoke lounge. It was almost lunchtime and the entire office was
in conversational mode. Before I could figure out whether these guys were
actually mocking or were seriously concerned, my attention was diverted to a
leaking vent from a smoking lounge. The thought crossed my mind – “was it the
environment ministry that banned smoking in open or was it the health
department… did they also make money or lost an opportunity to do so?’
Before I could answer my own wandering queries on my way
back to my desk, I found Mishraji in a very animated form defending Lalu Yadav,
with an interesting argument: “Arrey
bhai, chaara ghotala to bahut choti si baat hai… gai aur bhains ko hi to
nuksaan pahuncha hai. Yeh FCI
walon ne toh insaano ke khane ka anaaj barbad kar diya. (Fodder scam is a
very small issue. It only harmed cows and buffaloes. Whereas the FCI guys
wasted grains meant for humans.)
Listening to Mishraji, our security officer, the retired
colonel Singh, a former national-level athlete, could not resist making his
point. In a roaring voice that anybody would wish to avoid, Singh said, “What
bothers me are the thousands of crores of rupees that they spent on these
Commonwealth Games. They should have spent that money on betterment of
facilities and training for our boys. Somebody must tell them we need showmen
and not the show. Let somebody else do the games and you prepare your men to
get their gold. See where the poor Indians rank in the Asian Games tally. These
visionless and corrupt planners will never get it. Let the army takeover the
games and see the difference.’
The otherwise calm Mrs Chakraborty got stung by the last
line, I think, and she retorted, “Oh please, Mr Singh, bhee habh sheen how
onasht the aarmy is. Aadarsh has rebealed it all. (We have seen how honest the
army is. Aadarsh has revealed it all)…
Somebody’s cellphone rang in the background and irritated
Mrs Chakarboty further. Her exasperated voice reverberated: “Please keep it on
silant (silent). Mobile rings remind me oph (of) Raju and the spectrame
(spectrum).’
Office peon Sham Lal had the last say: “Kya madam, aap sab
purani baatein lekar pareshaan ho rahe ho. Karnataka CM Yeddyurappa ka naam suna hai…? (Why talk about old
things, madam? Have you heard of Karnataka CM Yeddyurappa?)
Listening to these random exchanges, I felt lost, trying to
find out my point of view on so many viewpoints. Who has got a point, or is
somebody really trying to make a point? Whose point is relevant, whose point
matters, and whose point will make any difference…?
Today’s newspaper headlines will become invisible soon
enough when little Raju at that NGO will make a bag from that paper. These
“expert’ talks from Barkha’s and Rajdeep’s newsrooms will turn into
water-cooler layman discussions, tweets and Facebook updates, only to be
forgotten while negotiating over two rupees with Rahim the rickshawpuller.
Those viewpoints, those almost united voices at institutes
or workplaces get silent and lose their significance as their owners mingle in
the crowds by the evening and begin their regular struggle to reach back home
on time.
While Duggalji will keep saving from his hard-earned income
to buy his first car, someone’s SUV somewhere will keep guzzling gallons of
subsidized diesel, and the smoke without will go on.